31 days to go, Simon Cowell and TV themes

Afternoon strumpets.

So the X Factor is almost upon us. And millions of the nation will be laughing as people with borderline personality disorders, and quite obvious learning disabilities come out of the woodwork professing a dream to be the next Mariah, Whitney, or Leona. Funnily enough none wish to be the next Michelle Macmanus, or Steve Brookstein. they`ll stand there with their families, all as deluded as them, and sing "Puff the Magic Dragon", or "When a hero comes" (or whatever that song`s called), and the camera will pan back so we can see Louis laughing, or Cheryl crying, and we may Even get that nan`s trapped her tits in the mangle look on the face of the Modern PT Barnum himself. Mr Simon Cowell. Three things will be discussed when mentioning the earlier stages of the Twenty first Century, by future Historians, of this I am sure of my friends.

Firstly, These people used to go to tanning Booths and bombard their bodies with UV, just to get a nice tan. Secondly, they also used to put food into "microwave ovens" and bombard their food with God knows what, so they could have their beans done the same time as their toast. And thirdly, Simon Cowell pulled off the biggest con in TV history.

Am I the only kid at the back of the room shouting "the Emperors not wearing any clothes"! Am I the only one who can see the Con. Tell enough people how talented you are at spotting other people`s talent, throw in a few nasty insults, make a few kids cry, and what have you got, TV (fools)Gold. And yes I am aware that I am turning into a grumpy old get, but, dear strumpets, Can anyone name (apart from Leona Lewis, a truly remarkable talent who anyone could have guessed was destined for a fantastic career)anyone this man has actually nurtured and made into bona fide long lasting stars. Michelle Macmanus? Gareth Gates?

The only saving Grace for this time of the year is that Strictly Come dancing will be starting soon, which will lead the way nicely for I`m a Celebrity, now THAT`S a programme (Oh dear now I`m thinking about Ant and Dec)!

Following all that nonsense, here`s a couple of TV theme songs. See if you can guess them.



Till the next one, keep smiling, and learn something new.