Evening Strumpets.
Well the last Post concerning my earliest memory has received such positive feedback, as well as being the second most visited page since I actually completed the Great North Run two years ago. I`ve been asked to write further about my memories, so here`s one about why I not only have the best Sweetheart in the Land, but the best friends also.
The World has turned somewhat since Mark scored that amazing goal in his back alley. He`s been through School, Sixth Form College, and a couple of Polytechnics before finally with all of his qualifications and experience finding himself driving a Fork Lift truck on a sparse Dock In a "Boots" Warehouse in Nottingham, England. Mark is working permanent night shifts, and is sharing a house with a friend he met in Sixth Form called Stuey.
Stuey, who is one of the sweetest, funniest, and most loyal friends Mark has and will ever have, has just met Jane. She is beautiful, funny, and remarkably cool (for a girl) and it is blindingly obvious to Mark that all the conversations he and Stu have had regarding meeting someone are no longer pipe dreams for Stuey, but a lovely truth for him. Mark will one day be priviledged to make the Best man`s Speech at Stu and Jane`s Wedding, which everyone present will agree is the funniest thing they`ve ever heard, and to prove it, will be recorded by Stuey`s Dad. Unfortunately Stuey`s dad will then tape over the wedding video with Boro beating Aston Villa on Sky sports 1. At least that`s what they`ll tell Mark. Hmmm!
Don`t feel sad for Mark, he`ll eventually meet his own Princess. She`s called Louise. She`s the most loveliest thing he`s ever seen, and he meets her in a nightclub in Boro called "Blaises". Blaises was where "Freak" nights occurred on Thursday and saturday. This meant it played indie music, served SnakeBites (half lager half cider) and had condensation dripping from the ceiling.
When she ask`s him what does he do for a living he does something strange. Ironically, and he can still remember this, Embarrassment by Madness is playing. Ashamed that he hasn`t achieved more with his life, he has in the past lied to girls about his profession. his favourite being that he`s a Classics teacher at Newcastle University. But this time he says "I drive a fork lift truck"
Within a month it`s a relationship proper. Mark takes Louise back to Blaises and whilst there, she goes to sit down on a stool when someone from a gang of lads, pulls the stool from under her for a laugh. Louise lands flat on her backside and shocked begins laughing but crying at the same time. Mark know`s one of the lads and after seeing Louise is alright, say`s he`s going to sort this out. Louise begs him not too, telling him he`ll be battered. Mark not wanting to be a headline in the local newspaper agrees, but pride and guilt spend every minute tapping at his brain for the next week whilst he`s driving his Forklift truck in Nottingham.
Travelling back to Boro the following Saturday, Mark is symbolically a mouse. He agrees to meet Louise in The Tavern in Boro, along with all of his mates. Louise is in there and as the chaps start coming in, the mood lightens. Then Mark see`s them. The same gang of lads who`d snatched Louise`s seat. It`s no coincidence that one of the songs he loved listening to with his Mam on a morning, when younger was "Coward of the County". He asks his mate Darren to hold his pint. "You alright?" Darren say`s. "Yeah, just got to sort something out" Mark replies.
He walks over to the lads,and shouts "Think you`re funny eh? Think you`re hard. Making a lass cry." One of the lads comes over and says "what`s your problem like?" "My problem? My problem is that one of you doyles took the seat from under our lasses (Sorry Louise if you`re reading this, but you were and always will be "our lass" when I`m trying to be a bloke) arse. Funny eh? She`s got a back injury (she didn`t, I was milking it, drama queen as ever) and you could have wrecked her chances of walking" (like I said drama queen).
The group of lads, and there was a fair few, stood up and walked towards Mark. Christ, Mark thought, here comes the pummeling. But a funny thing happened. He stood his ground, and it must have worked because they all backed off. The lad at the front said "Look sorry mate, It was just a daft joke. Can we just call it a day" Amazed, Mark just said " Yeah right, just as long as you know". Mark had stood up to them. Mark had been "A MAN". Mark turned round to walk back to his mates, and saw....
Half the pub stood behind him.
Louise had told the lads about how Mark was taking the Blaises incident and asked them to look out for Mark. As Mark passed his glass to Darren, Darren had given the nod to the rest of the lads, and they`d followed him over, taking other lads who they knew with them, to where the scene was developing. Whilst Mark was shouting off about Louise`s bad back, half the pub had joined behind him and were giving it what is known in Boro as "THE EYES". The other lads seeing this had made the right decision and backed down.
I can still see the pub as I turned around, but what I can really see is Louise. Not acknowledging that I`d been "hard" and tackled the lads. As she pointed out, they would have battered me! No Louise was looking at the number of people who had come to back me up. If I could have that many people looking after me, then surely, I couldn`t be half bad.
Fifteen years and two kids later, thank Christ I went to Blaises the night I met my wife.
Till the next one, (don`t worry more banjo and guitar stuff coming soon) learn something new,
Mark.
Friday 21 October 2011
Tuesday 18 October 2011
History of my World Part 1.
Evening Strumpets,
It`s December 1976. 07:00 hrs. Or Seven O Clock in the morning as we used to call it! The United Kingdom, and more specifically the North Eastern side of the United Kingdom is experiencing it`s worst winter in thirty years. A five year old lad wakes up in a bed which he shares with his 13 year old Big Brother.
Those words have initials which mean something to this child, and are not a reference to a pile of old nonsense C4/C5 TV bobbins twenty five years in the future. Neither do they allude to an amazing novel written 28 years prior to him waking which he will read and love and talk to his future wife about, purely because she also loves it, at about the same time C4/C5 are showing their pile of old shite. (Except for series 1. That was class! "I`m very disappointed with you Nicholas".)
The kid (Mark) has woken up and climbs over his Big Brothers huge frame (Six foot One at the age of Thirteen, can you imagine how tall he was and has always been to me) to go downstairs to have his cup of tea which as usual will be lukewarm with two sugars (remember this was the North of england in the mid Seventies). This will be drank whilst listening to Radio 2 (Terry Wogan) with his Mam, and followed by a hotter version of the same drink ten minutes later.
His pet dog Shandy is put in the back yard, and allowed to do his business. Mark has no idea, but Mam goes out and scrapes up Shandy`s business with a hand shovel. In those days, Fairies did all the work. But this time theres something different. Mam isn`t in a rush to get Mark ready for school. "You`re not going in today" she says smiling, "The heating in the school`s buggered".
Try now to imagine, just stop whatever you`re doing and try to picture what those words meant to him. A lad who had until a year ago spent every waking moment at home. A lad who within a week of being at "big boys school" had simply walked out of class/school and walked home sitting on the doorstep waiting for his Mam to come home.
Now he knows what`s different in the house. None of his older Sisters, or Brother are making a noise. This, if Mark is being honest, well this was normal. Differently, though, this time his Mam isn`t shouting them to get up. "Let`s just spend a minute you and me" she says, "and when you get older you`ll remember this like it was yesterday". At this point she takes his hand and gives it three squeezes. He looks at her and says "Whats that" She looks at him and says "It means "I love you"" Mark immediately gives her four shakes back "I love you too".
Big Brother (Gary) comes down stairs. Immediately eating four slices of toast, and drinking two glasses of tap water (he cannot abide milk. so that was the alternative in our house), he begins making his daft little brother and Mam laugh. He tells Mark there`s going to be a big footie game today and that he`s been picked to play! "Me?" "Yeah you Enoch (his nickname for his little brother, still to this day),and you`d better not let me down!" "Course I wont" Mark shouts and gets dressed.
The footie game was played in the "Back Alley". This was the cobbled area between the backs of houses where the bins were placed and the wagon would pick them up from. They`re all still there, but these days they`re all Gated off, due to vandalism, theft and drugs (which, ironically, if we`re being honest was a typical night out in the Seventies)! Players in the game had nicknames. Snotty Martin, Little Legs etc. Mark was picked to be, of course, on Gary`s team.
The back alley was covered in snow. About four inches worth, and the whistle/shout went up. None them had trainers on, just hand me down black shoes from their older siblings, whether male or female. With a minute to go it was 7-7. Mark had often been told he had a "Wilf Mannion" style (Google him overseas readers).
At this point the immortal phrase was shouted by someone "Next goal; the winner"! It sounded like Marks Big Brother, but it wasn`t quite right. The ball was kicked out by the opposing team and landed at Marks feet in his own Box. His Big Brother was in goal and shouted "Go on, take them on!" Which Mark proceeded to do. He ran one way and then the other, and each time a player tried to tackle him they slipped in the snow and he took it past them. He could hear his Big Brother shouting "Go On Enoch!" and this gave him more confidence until each of his opponent`s was behind him on the floor. With just the keeper to beat, he hit it smoothly into the right hand corner.
I can still see that ball going in. I can still see the lads falling (some almost comedically) whist I "tackled" them. But most of all I can see my Mam`s face when Our Kid (which I now call the old get) told her what I`d done. That`s my earliest clearest memory, and writing it tonight has reminded me of a couple of things.
1) The past is another Country, they do things differently there.
and
2) I could have played for Boro!
Ladies and gentleman My Brother and My Mother.
Till the next one, learn something new.
Mark.
It`s December 1976. 07:00 hrs. Or Seven O Clock in the morning as we used to call it! The United Kingdom, and more specifically the North Eastern side of the United Kingdom is experiencing it`s worst winter in thirty years. A five year old lad wakes up in a bed which he shares with his 13 year old Big Brother.
Those words have initials which mean something to this child, and are not a reference to a pile of old nonsense C4/C5 TV bobbins twenty five years in the future. Neither do they allude to an amazing novel written 28 years prior to him waking which he will read and love and talk to his future wife about, purely because she also loves it, at about the same time C4/C5 are showing their pile of old shite. (Except for series 1. That was class! "I`m very disappointed with you Nicholas".)
The kid (Mark) has woken up and climbs over his Big Brothers huge frame (Six foot One at the age of Thirteen, can you imagine how tall he was and has always been to me) to go downstairs to have his cup of tea which as usual will be lukewarm with two sugars (remember this was the North of england in the mid Seventies). This will be drank whilst listening to Radio 2 (Terry Wogan) with his Mam, and followed by a hotter version of the same drink ten minutes later.
His pet dog Shandy is put in the back yard, and allowed to do his business. Mark has no idea, but Mam goes out and scrapes up Shandy`s business with a hand shovel. In those days, Fairies did all the work. But this time theres something different. Mam isn`t in a rush to get Mark ready for school. "You`re not going in today" she says smiling, "The heating in the school`s buggered".
Try now to imagine, just stop whatever you`re doing and try to picture what those words meant to him. A lad who had until a year ago spent every waking moment at home. A lad who within a week of being at "big boys school" had simply walked out of class/school and walked home sitting on the doorstep waiting for his Mam to come home.
Now he knows what`s different in the house. None of his older Sisters, or Brother are making a noise. This, if Mark is being honest, well this was normal. Differently, though, this time his Mam isn`t shouting them to get up. "Let`s just spend a minute you and me" she says, "and when you get older you`ll remember this like it was yesterday". At this point she takes his hand and gives it three squeezes. He looks at her and says "Whats that" She looks at him and says "It means "I love you"" Mark immediately gives her four shakes back "I love you too".
Big Brother (Gary) comes down stairs. Immediately eating four slices of toast, and drinking two glasses of tap water (he cannot abide milk. so that was the alternative in our house), he begins making his daft little brother and Mam laugh. He tells Mark there`s going to be a big footie game today and that he`s been picked to play! "Me?" "Yeah you Enoch (his nickname for his little brother, still to this day),and you`d better not let me down!" "Course I wont" Mark shouts and gets dressed.
The footie game was played in the "Back Alley". This was the cobbled area between the backs of houses where the bins were placed and the wagon would pick them up from. They`re all still there, but these days they`re all Gated off, due to vandalism, theft and drugs (which, ironically, if we`re being honest was a typical night out in the Seventies)! Players in the game had nicknames. Snotty Martin, Little Legs etc. Mark was picked to be, of course, on Gary`s team.
The back alley was covered in snow. About four inches worth, and the whistle/shout went up. None them had trainers on, just hand me down black shoes from their older siblings, whether male or female. With a minute to go it was 7-7. Mark had often been told he had a "Wilf Mannion" style (Google him overseas readers).
At this point the immortal phrase was shouted by someone "Next goal; the winner"! It sounded like Marks Big Brother, but it wasn`t quite right. The ball was kicked out by the opposing team and landed at Marks feet in his own Box. His Big Brother was in goal and shouted "Go on, take them on!" Which Mark proceeded to do. He ran one way and then the other, and each time a player tried to tackle him they slipped in the snow and he took it past them. He could hear his Big Brother shouting "Go On Enoch!" and this gave him more confidence until each of his opponent`s was behind him on the floor. With just the keeper to beat, he hit it smoothly into the right hand corner.
I can still see that ball going in. I can still see the lads falling (some almost comedically) whist I "tackled" them. But most of all I can see my Mam`s face when Our Kid (which I now call the old get) told her what I`d done. That`s my earliest clearest memory, and writing it tonight has reminded me of a couple of things.
1) The past is another Country, they do things differently there.
and
2) I could have played for Boro!
Ladies and gentleman My Brother and My Mother.
Till the next one, learn something new.
Mark.
Saturday 15 October 2011
New Charmers Stuff.
Evening Strumpets,
The Charmers met up for the first time since the Doc Browns Gig On Thursday, and after running through our set of songs, we decided to try some new stuff, and this is what came out of it.
The first song is "Apple Scrumpy" written by Andy, and I think it has the potential to be a future Charmers favourite. It`s such a clever use of innuendo regarding the eating of apples, that you kind of think this must have been done before. To the best of my knowledge it hasn`t been, and if you know that it has, then just whisper it, because I don`t want anyone knowing.
A couple of things about the vid. You may notice that at the beginning there is chat between us regarding one of the lines in the song which Andy had written in his pad. It`s the second line of the second verse which goes "sit beneath this apple tree and let me taste your flesh". Well, the way that Andy had written it definitely did not look like the word "flesh". If he is able to send me a picture of the word as he`s written it, I`ll post it on the blog, and you can make your own minds up about what it looks like, I am far too polite to mention here what it
looked like to me, Carl, and Mark.
Secondly, I`d posted a version of this song which I`d recorded the other day previously on the blog, which had a completely different melody to the words. It was so difficult to blank that out and try and sing it the way Andy had written it, but I think I managed, and it lent itself well to a Wurzels inspired Chorus singalong!
Lastly, When we play new stuff it can be a nightmare to grab everyones attention to let them know we are coming to the end of the song. Carl is playing mandolin out of shot, and he had his head down in a Ray Manzarek styley. so I thought I should give him a whistle to let him know. Carl felt this was an affront to his human rights, so you can just about hear a profanity yelled by him just before it ends, followed by him whistling. I`ve stopped the tape there as his Tourettes kicks in and it might be painful for sensitive ears to behold.
Apple Scrumpy
Next up is a tune which Carl has written. I truly believe that Carl is an absolutely amazing guitarist and songwriter. He nails the theory of it not being the "Rock" but the "Roll" that you should tap into. I`ve played alongside carl for coming up to thirty years, and every time he surprises me with what he can do. It`s just a shame his memory is about as strong as an asthmatic turtles breath.
Carl`s tune is as good as anything we`ve played in my opinion. Great bass playing by Andy by the way. Could we be seeing a "Northern Bass Boy" website. God knows we`ve drank enough of the stuff.
Carl`s Tune
Finally we had about five minutes of studio time left so we thought we`d have a go at resurrecting a song we`d played once a couple of months ago. Shady Grove is what happened. not bad for a first proper go.
Shady Grove
Till the next one, learn something new.
Mark.
The Charmers met up for the first time since the Doc Browns Gig On Thursday, and after running through our set of songs, we decided to try some new stuff, and this is what came out of it.
The first song is "Apple Scrumpy" written by Andy, and I think it has the potential to be a future Charmers favourite. It`s such a clever use of innuendo regarding the eating of apples, that you kind of think this must have been done before. To the best of my knowledge it hasn`t been, and if you know that it has, then just whisper it, because I don`t want anyone knowing.
A couple of things about the vid. You may notice that at the beginning there is chat between us regarding one of the lines in the song which Andy had written in his pad. It`s the second line of the second verse which goes "sit beneath this apple tree and let me taste your flesh". Well, the way that Andy had written it definitely did not look like the word "flesh". If he is able to send me a picture of the word as he`s written it, I`ll post it on the blog, and you can make your own minds up about what it looks like, I am far too polite to mention here what it
looked like to me, Carl, and Mark.
Secondly, I`d posted a version of this song which I`d recorded the other day previously on the blog, which had a completely different melody to the words. It was so difficult to blank that out and try and sing it the way Andy had written it, but I think I managed, and it lent itself well to a Wurzels inspired Chorus singalong!
Lastly, When we play new stuff it can be a nightmare to grab everyones attention to let them know we are coming to the end of the song. Carl is playing mandolin out of shot, and he had his head down in a Ray Manzarek styley. so I thought I should give him a whistle to let him know. Carl felt this was an affront to his human rights, so you can just about hear a profanity yelled by him just before it ends, followed by him whistling. I`ve stopped the tape there as his Tourettes kicks in and it might be painful for sensitive ears to behold.
Apple Scrumpy
Next up is a tune which Carl has written. I truly believe that Carl is an absolutely amazing guitarist and songwriter. He nails the theory of it not being the "Rock" but the "Roll" that you should tap into. I`ve played alongside carl for coming up to thirty years, and every time he surprises me with what he can do. It`s just a shame his memory is about as strong as an asthmatic turtles breath.
Carl`s tune is as good as anything we`ve played in my opinion. Great bass playing by Andy by the way. Could we be seeing a "Northern Bass Boy" website. God knows we`ve drank enough of the stuff.
Carl`s Tune
Finally we had about five minutes of studio time left so we thought we`d have a go at resurrecting a song we`d played once a couple of months ago. Shady Grove is what happened. not bad for a first proper go.
Shady Grove
Till the next one, learn something new.
Mark.
Monday 10 October 2011
Apple Scrumpy (rough demo)
Evening Strumpets,
Andy from the The Charmers and NBB, has been harvesting his annual Apple hoard and is currently fermenting enough apples to keep Eve stuffed till Doomsday.
He`s posted a lovely little tune on his website, so I thought I`d do a demo of it for your good selves, and maybe it might find it`s way into the Charmers Set.
Hope you like,
Till the next one, learn something new,
Mark.
Andy from the The Charmers and NBB, has been harvesting his annual Apple hoard and is currently fermenting enough apples to keep Eve stuffed till Doomsday.
He`s posted a lovely little tune on his website, so I thought I`d do a demo of it for your good selves, and maybe it might find it`s way into the Charmers Set.
Hope you like,
Till the next one, learn something new,
Mark.
Pretty Polly
Morning Strumpets,
Jerome from the West Midlands in England (that`s a place and not a band) has posted this on Youtube and Google+, and I thinks it`s brilliant.
Hope you like it too, you can see more of his stuff here,
http://jerometurner.posterous.com/
And if that`s worked, it will be a first!
Till the next one, learn something new,
Mark.
Jerome from the West Midlands in England (that`s a place and not a band) has posted this on Youtube and Google+, and I thinks it`s brilliant.
Hope you like it too, you can see more of his stuff here,
http://jerometurner.posterous.com/
And if that`s worked, it will be a first!
Till the next one, learn something new,
Mark.
Monday 3 October 2011
FB song
Evening Strumpets,
Brian posted this onto my wall on facebook, and I`m rather taken with it.
Hope you like it to,
Till the next one learn something new,
Mark.
Brian posted this onto my wall on facebook, and I`m rather taken with it.
Hope you like it to,
Till the next one learn something new,
Mark.
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