EXNE column 3.

I`m pretty certain that I can pinpoint the moment we decided to breed a Nation of idiots. A Nation where more people vote in the modern day PT Barnum that is Simon Cowell`s Freak shows which are, of course, “X Factor”, and “Britain`s got problems” than vote in a General Election. A Nation where fellow modern day J. Bailey, Jeremy Kyle, has made a very good living parading modern day curiosities to the scandalized hooting public. Car crash TV? Bad rash TV more like. Annoying, ugly and spreading everywhere.

That moment was November 30th, 1979. What could have happened on that date? Was there an accident where a chemical spill released a toxic gas which diluted male sperm resulting in devolution to Neanderthal times? No, that would be insane. Did an alien species come down in a stealth like manner and brain drain the population? No, if only it were as simple as that? Surely a crack in the Earth`s Crust caused by North Sea Oil drilling didn`t pollute the water system, resulting in a physical deformity called “mouth hanging open, whilst tongue resting on lower lip Syndrome”? No, I`m afraid it was worse than that. Pink Floyd released “Another Brick in The Wall” on a 45 RPM single.These University graduates, from privileged wealthy backgrounds decided to harp on about how “We don`t need no education.” Firstly, THAT`S A LIE BECAUSE GUESS WHAT? YES WE DO!!!! Secondly, it should be “We don`t need an education.” If this wasn`t bad enough, the bridge to the chorus had the daft old bat yelling “HEY, TEACHER,LEAVE THOSE KIDS ALONE!” This was where it started.

All over Britain this mantra was being planted into pregnant wombs, cradled heads, toddling brains, and worst of all adolescent schema via repeated plays on Radio 1, and on Thursday evenings through Top of The Pops on BBC1. This is where the seed was sown.
The next thing you know, Schools are being ran by the kids, because they don`t need no education, that bloke who`s made millions told them so. A kid tells a teacher to “fuck off” in class. Hey, teacher, leave that kid alone. A teacher keeps a group of kids back, because they`ve enjoyed being little gets the whole lesson. You can`t do that Teach, you`ve got to let them keep spoiling the lesson, because they don`t need no thought control!
I was in the town the other day and a seven year old girl was with her Dad. He looked harder than Chinese algebra, and was holding her delicate hand within his cabbage like appendage. The girl had a T-shirt on with two painted handprints over her chest. Written on the back was the legend “Jail Bait”. I wonder if this could have been avoided if there had been some “dark sarcasm in the classroom?”

Similarly a bloke was watching my daughters Under 9`s football game last year wearing a T-shirt with the motto “The only job I want is a blow job” on the front of it. I`d love to say I went and told him that this wasn`t the place to be wearing something like that, but the scary dog he had hold of was looking at me like I was a bowl of Pedigree Chum covered in cat flavoured Bonio`s. When the match finished, he picked his daughter up, Who`d been playing in the game and took her home. And so it goes on.
Right, that`s your lot, I`m off to go and watch Loose Women tell me what to think, whilst drinking a bottle of WKD and eating some Turkey twizzlers.
Till the next one, despite what Pink Floyd tell you, learn something new.

Mark.