EXNE post 5.

Evening Strumpets,

Here's the next EXNE thingamajig.

I`ve never met a Welsh Nurse. Statistics will, and I`m about 63% certain of this, prove that they exist. but I`ve never met one. I`ve worked in health for fifteen years, and aside from Nerys Hughes in that BBC thing that used to be on a Sunday, I have yet to see or have a chinwag with a Cymreig Matron.

I`ve never seen a cheerful Bus Driver, similarly apart from Reg Varney in “On the Buses”. Again I can hear the Cries emanating from your goodselves, as you make a case that our Uncle Terry was a bus Driver, and he was funnier than two dutch pigs clog dancing in tights!

I can picture the PCs, Macs and LapTops being given a sandblasting of cereal and milk, as it erupts from your chops at the very thought of me not knowing Jacko who drives the Number 24 into Town, who is more cheerful than a day trip to Blackpool in the Seventies. But, at a risk of repeating myself, and by God, I`ll find the seven hundred and fifty words I need to by any means necessary, I`ve never met or seen one.

I never thought I`d ever see a miracle. A proper bona fide good Jack Lord would you just look at that miracle. Don`t get me wrong, in my eyes my children (Thing one and Thing two) are miracles. I can remember when I first looked into their eyes, despite them resembling Sid James merged with Winston Churchill with a touch of Les Dawson licking rat vomit off a Thistle, I knew there was a God. Whatever that God`s called, or looks like Christ only knows, but I knew there was something. But just as much as I knew that, I also knew that they were a result of a chemical reaction dictated by a primeval urge.

Then the other day, I witnessed a true volition of a God. It was, it has to be said, not accompanied by a chorus of Hallelujahs, or by a parade of angels giving it what for on their celestial horns. There was no emanation of light pouring from the ether, forcing me to shield my eyes. It was in a playground filled with kids. All of whom were going to school dressed as their favourite character from a book as it was World Book Day. I`m not sure how many books have Buzz Lightyear or the red Power Ranger in them, but at least the kids got to dress up a bit.

But one kid wasn`t dressed as anyone. He was in his school uniform. He was walking by himself. He was sat by himself. He was alone. That`s when the miracle happened. Harry Potter went over and give him his wand. Ben 10 gave him his watch (or whatever that thing`s called he has on his wrist). A red Power Ranger gave him his mask. They all proceeded to run around the playground, with no rhyme or reason, just making that noise of pure joy associated with kids chasing each other.

I`m 41 this month.

It`s a shame we have to grow up isn`t it?

Till the next one, learn something new, like what that watch Ben 10 wears is called.

Mark