Facebook Fun!

Evening strumpets,

over the past couple of weeks I`ve been asking Facebook friends to send words or phrases which I attempt to make a funny out of. here`s some of my favourites.

Uvula: The uvula is responsible for some of the most guttur language it has been my mispleasure to hear. Some of it is really hard to swallow!

Defenastration: Do not throw homeless dogs out of windows in Paris. if a shard of glass becomes lodged in their ear, you may deafen a stray chien.

Principles: I went to a well known clothes shop, and tried on a pair of jeans, but I couldn`t get them off, I thought well I`m not paying for them, i tried on a shirt, same thing, i thought, I`m not paying for that, tried ona jumper, it wouldn`t budge, i thought I`m not paying for that. I`m always sticking to my principles.

Obstreporous: I was with a group of friends and we were about to go out for a gentle meal, when a group of youths shouting obscenities came around the corner saying they were going for a fu&%$ng curry. A friend ,whom shall remain nameless, as I`m sure I would get it wrong, said he fancied going with the louts, i replied "It depends... on which night out you would fancy. The Yobs trip or us.

"Marky D never knew his Grammar": Ronald Macdonald was the next subject of "who do you think you are" in an excerpt he was seen shaking uncontrollably saying "i know me mom,and,dad:but afterthat; Im stuck" It turns out Maccy D never knew his grammar!

Flippy Wig: whats the difference between Bruce Forsyths flippy wig and Katie Price. One was born in the early eighties, has various stages of orangeness, and is obviously quite false, the others a toupe!

Serendipity: To find happiness and luck in a roundabout way could be described as serendipity. but to find a very strange mustachioed gent on a spring in a roundabout way is serenzebidee

Elephant Juice: A bloke walks into a bar and asks for a glass of elephant juice. The barman asks him what it is, and he says "It`s like stella, but you get more trunk, and you can remember everything the next morning"

Anti-disestablishmentarianism: I went to a local "theme" pub with me mam`s sister where the theme was drinking in Germany in the late Thirties. I was amazed to see all cultures and races drinking in there together. I said to her "Auntie, this establishments Arianism is very poor"!

Bum Fluff: Prince Edward has the nickname "Bum Fluff" as he is as close to pathetic pointless heir as you can find.

Hope at least one made you smile,

Mark.