Evening Strumpets,
I`ve recently undertaken a foundation training course in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, for the dayjob, and liked the idea of visiting an emotional gym. A colleague asked if i could write a piece of music about it, and this is what i`ve come up with. Words to come soon. The lady who asked me is one of the sweetest and genuine ladies I`ve met, She knows who she is!
This is for you Susan, even though your navigational skills are to getting home what old mens pants are to Sauna`s!
mark.
Saturday 26 December 2009
Friday 25 December 2009
Merry Christmas!
Festive greetings Strumpets!
What a wonderful day! This has been the first Christmas that Harry has really understood what all the fuss is about, so I hope he doesn`t think it`ll be snowing everytime. The Kids have been as good as gold, and their faces whilst they were opening their presents were just remarkable, and very very special. Louise cooked the finest of all Christmas dinners, with all the trimmings, and wine and lager has been consumed by all!
It`s been a lovely day and the kids are now safely tucked up in bed, So all`s that`s left for me to say is, Merry Christmas, and God Bless Us, Everyone!
Mark
Friday 18 December 2009
Grace singing Away in a Manger!
Gracie was asked (at the last minute) to take part in her schools X Factor stylee competition today. She had five minutes to decide what to sing, and came up with the Carol posted below. She came second out of the whole school, beaten by a couple of girls who sang summer Loving (with costumes)!
I`m so proud of her, just the right side of mental, I think! apologies for darkness of video!
I`m off out on my Works Christmas night out now! May God have mercy on my soul!!
Mark.
I`m so proud of her, just the right side of mental, I think! apologies for darkness of video!
I`m off out on my Works Christmas night out now! May God have mercy on my soul!!
Mark.
Tuesday 15 December 2009
There are good people in the World.
Evening Strumpets.
Recently My father, King Kenny, purchased, from God only knows where(and he ain`t talking), a small container of Shaving Cream which he swore blind was the best thing he had ever bought. Dad is highly allergic to perfume, and as a result most shaving creams were likely to result in him doing a pretty good impression of Michael Gambon in "The Singing Detective". Problem was he could not remember where he had purchased it from. "Go on the computer Son, and find out where I can buy it" was his request.
The cream was by a Company called Men-U, who only sell the stuff over the Internet. When we looked into it, the existing cream, which Dad had "got" was no longer available, but had been replaced by a new cream with Tea Tree oil in it. Louise sent an Email to the company enquiring if they had any of the old stock spare which we could purchase. She got the following reply:
"Unfortunately for your father, all shave crème 100ml stock now comes with tea tree oil. However, we are currently developing a new formulation, in addition to the existing, that is designed for sensitive skin i.e. removal of potential irritants such as tea tree oil. It will be more like the original formulation but better – if that is possible!
This product should be launched in early 2010 but we do actually have some samples, which are perfectly safe to use and have been used by many including in our office as they are in the final phase of development. If you would like, I would be more than happy to supply your father with the product to involve him in the process as we would value his opinion/feedback - we'd even try to mock it up so it's close to how it should appear in store!
In the meantime, I apologise to your father for the situation and any inconvenience he may have experienced. I appreciate you letting us know about his predicament. You’re a thoughtful daughter in law – have a good week!
Kenny Fish
Commercial Manager"
We asked for the stuff to be sent, and not only was Kenny true to his word (he likes my Dad`s name) He sent a package which I can only begin to imagine would have cost what we like to call "HOW MUCH" in our house, and also sent a product which is in the very early stages of production and asked if we could feedback on this. This guy, and this company really impressed me. It is such a pleasure to know that even in the world of Cut Throat business (Pardon the pun), there is kindness out there.
Dad loves the stuff, and still swears by it.
Incidentally, I have been approached by several companies to plug their stuff on this Blogspot for money. The proviso of doing this (as anyone who has been approached can vouch for) is that you do not mention that you have been approached. At no point did Kenny (Men-U, not my Dad)know I have this Blogspot! At no point did he request I writ this post! I am writing this because if any of you good Strumpets out there fancy backing a Company which provides this sort of service, and incidentally is a damn fine product, go out and make someones Christmas.
www.men-u.co.uk.
Cheers,
Mark.
Recently My father, King Kenny, purchased, from God only knows where(and he ain`t talking), a small container of Shaving Cream which he swore blind was the best thing he had ever bought. Dad is highly allergic to perfume, and as a result most shaving creams were likely to result in him doing a pretty good impression of Michael Gambon in "The Singing Detective". Problem was he could not remember where he had purchased it from. "Go on the computer Son, and find out where I can buy it" was his request.
The cream was by a Company called Men-U, who only sell the stuff over the Internet. When we looked into it, the existing cream, which Dad had "got" was no longer available, but had been replaced by a new cream with Tea Tree oil in it. Louise sent an Email to the company enquiring if they had any of the old stock spare which we could purchase. She got the following reply:
"Unfortunately for your father, all shave crème 100ml stock now comes with tea tree oil. However, we are currently developing a new formulation, in addition to the existing, that is designed for sensitive skin i.e. removal of potential irritants such as tea tree oil. It will be more like the original formulation but better – if that is possible!
This product should be launched in early 2010 but we do actually have some samples, which are perfectly safe to use and have been used by many including in our office as they are in the final phase of development. If you would like, I would be more than happy to supply your father with the product to involve him in the process as we would value his opinion/feedback - we'd even try to mock it up so it's close to how it should appear in store!
In the meantime, I apologise to your father for the situation and any inconvenience he may have experienced. I appreciate you letting us know about his predicament. You’re a thoughtful daughter in law – have a good week!
Kenny Fish
Commercial Manager"
We asked for the stuff to be sent, and not only was Kenny true to his word (he likes my Dad`s name) He sent a package which I can only begin to imagine would have cost what we like to call "HOW MUCH" in our house, and also sent a product which is in the very early stages of production and asked if we could feedback on this. This guy, and this company really impressed me. It is such a pleasure to know that even in the world of Cut Throat business (Pardon the pun), there is kindness out there.
Dad loves the stuff, and still swears by it.
Incidentally, I have been approached by several companies to plug their stuff on this Blogspot for money. The proviso of doing this (as anyone who has been approached can vouch for) is that you do not mention that you have been approached. At no point did Kenny (Men-U, not my Dad)know I have this Blogspot! At no point did he request I writ this post! I am writing this because if any of you good Strumpets out there fancy backing a Company which provides this sort of service, and incidentally is a damn fine product, go out and make someones Christmas.
www.men-u.co.uk.
Cheers,
Mark.
Thursday 10 December 2009
Facebook Fun!
Evening strumpets,
over the past couple of weeks I`ve been asking Facebook friends to send words or phrases which I attempt to make a funny out of. here`s some of my favourites.
Uvula: The uvula is responsible for some of the most guttur language it has been my mispleasure to hear. Some of it is really hard to swallow!
Defenastration: Do not throw homeless dogs out of windows in Paris. if a shard of glass becomes lodged in their ear, you may deafen a stray chien.
Principles: I went to a well known clothes shop, and tried on a pair of jeans, but I couldn`t get them off, I thought well I`m not paying for them, i tried on a shirt, same thing, i thought, I`m not paying for that, tried ona jumper, it wouldn`t budge, i thought I`m not paying for that. I`m always sticking to my principles.
Obstreporous: I was with a group of friends and we were about to go out for a gentle meal, when a group of youths shouting obscenities came around the corner saying they were going for a fu&%$ng curry. A friend ,whom shall remain nameless, as I`m sure I would get it wrong, said he fancied going with the louts, i replied "It depends... on which night out you would fancy. The Yobs trip or us.
"Marky D never knew his Grammar": Ronald Macdonald was the next subject of "who do you think you are" in an excerpt he was seen shaking uncontrollably saying "i know me mom,and,dad:but afterthat; Im stuck" It turns out Maccy D never knew his grammar!
Flippy Wig: whats the difference between Bruce Forsyths flippy wig and Katie Price. One was born in the early eighties, has various stages of orangeness, and is obviously quite false, the others a toupe!
Serendipity: To find happiness and luck in a roundabout way could be described as serendipity. but to find a very strange mustachioed gent on a spring in a roundabout way is serenzebidee
Elephant Juice: A bloke walks into a bar and asks for a glass of elephant juice. The barman asks him what it is, and he says "It`s like stella, but you get more trunk, and you can remember everything the next morning"
Anti-disestablishmentarianism: I went to a local "theme" pub with me mam`s sister where the theme was drinking in Germany in the late Thirties. I was amazed to see all cultures and races drinking in there together. I said to her "Auntie, this establishments Arianism is very poor"!
Bum Fluff: Prince Edward has the nickname "Bum Fluff" as he is as close to pathetic pointless heir as you can find.
Hope at least one made you smile,
Mark.
over the past couple of weeks I`ve been asking Facebook friends to send words or phrases which I attempt to make a funny out of. here`s some of my favourites.
Uvula: The uvula is responsible for some of the most guttur language it has been my mispleasure to hear. Some of it is really hard to swallow!
Defenastration: Do not throw homeless dogs out of windows in Paris. if a shard of glass becomes lodged in their ear, you may deafen a stray chien.
Principles: I went to a well known clothes shop, and tried on a pair of jeans, but I couldn`t get them off, I thought well I`m not paying for them, i tried on a shirt, same thing, i thought, I`m not paying for that, tried ona jumper, it wouldn`t budge, i thought I`m not paying for that. I`m always sticking to my principles.
Obstreporous: I was with a group of friends and we were about to go out for a gentle meal, when a group of youths shouting obscenities came around the corner saying they were going for a fu&%$ng curry. A friend ,whom shall remain nameless, as I`m sure I would get it wrong, said he fancied going with the louts, i replied "It depends... on which night out you would fancy. The Yobs trip or us.
"Marky D never knew his Grammar": Ronald Macdonald was the next subject of "who do you think you are" in an excerpt he was seen shaking uncontrollably saying "i know me mom,and,dad:but afterthat; Im stuck" It turns out Maccy D never knew his grammar!
Flippy Wig: whats the difference between Bruce Forsyths flippy wig and Katie Price. One was born in the early eighties, has various stages of orangeness, and is obviously quite false, the others a toupe!
Serendipity: To find happiness and luck in a roundabout way could be described as serendipity. but to find a very strange mustachioed gent on a spring in a roundabout way is serenzebidee
Elephant Juice: A bloke walks into a bar and asks for a glass of elephant juice. The barman asks him what it is, and he says "It`s like stella, but you get more trunk, and you can remember everything the next morning"
Anti-disestablishmentarianism: I went to a local "theme" pub with me mam`s sister where the theme was drinking in Germany in the late Thirties. I was amazed to see all cultures and races drinking in there together. I said to her "Auntie, this establishments Arianism is very poor"!
Bum Fluff: Prince Edward has the nickname "Bum Fluff" as he is as close to pathetic pointless heir as you can find.
Hope at least one made you smile,
Mark.
Monday 7 December 2009
Work in progress!
Evening Strumpets,
You may have seen a couple of versions of a piece of music called Cowboy Waltz posted on this blog. Up until now it`s just been a piece of music, but listening to it the other day, for some reason I heard the opening line "I`ve got children, to various women, none of them know my name, it`s true". I must point out this is probably the least autobiographical song written since Ghandi`s Number 1 hit "Fight them All" (In Kenya)!
So, now that I`ve a mic for me computer, I jotted the rest of what came to me head, and recorded it the same night. It has to be said that the guy singing it sounds like a real shit, but that`s just what came out! It`s rough and ready, and will be polished, but I don`t think it`s half bad at all. Please feel free to leave any (constructive) comments, or send me a message via Hotmail, Facebook (type in "the great north strum", hey presto, I`m there), or this blog itself.
Cheers, and learn something new,
Mark.
You may have seen a couple of versions of a piece of music called Cowboy Waltz posted on this blog. Up until now it`s just been a piece of music, but listening to it the other day, for some reason I heard the opening line "I`ve got children, to various women, none of them know my name, it`s true". I must point out this is probably the least autobiographical song written since Ghandi`s Number 1 hit "Fight them All" (In Kenya)!
So, now that I`ve a mic for me computer, I jotted the rest of what came to me head, and recorded it the same night. It has to be said that the guy singing it sounds like a real shit, but that`s just what came out! It`s rough and ready, and will be polished, but I don`t think it`s half bad at all. Please feel free to leave any (constructive) comments, or send me a message via Hotmail, Facebook (type in "the great north strum", hey presto, I`m there), or this blog itself.
Cheers, and learn something new,
Mark.
Saturday 5 December 2009
Prokofiev-ON THE BANJO!
Evening strumpets,
following on from Silent Night, lets keep the festive theme rolling.
following on from Silent Night, lets keep the festive theme rolling.
Wednesday 2 December 2009
The wind and the sun.
Evening strumpets,
Today would have been Me Mothers 76th Birthday, so it`s been a mix of sad and happy. This is a story she used to tell me when i was a kid, and one which i tell my children now. For some bizarre reason when I tell this story to my kids, the Wind is Captain Mainwaring, and The Sun is Sergeant Wilson.
The Wind and the Sun were having a chat. The Wind was telling the Sun all about how strong he was. "The other day I blew a roof right off a house, It was brilliant." The Sun looked on smiling and said "Do you really think that that is a true test of strength?" "Of course it is" replied the Wind. "Those humans are terrified of me, and my temper." "Again", smiled the Sun "People being afraid of you make`s you strong does it?" The Wind frowned. "Sometimes Sun, you are such a bloody Hippy." he said, rather unkindly. "Let`s have a bet. I will prove to you how strong i am. See that man down there, on that path?" The Sun nodded. "I bet I can get his coat off his back! I bet you Fifty pence!" The Wind, for all his bluster was very mean with his money. "You`re on." said the Sun.
The Wind took a deep breath, and began to blow. The man walking along the path felt the wind, and fastened the zip on his coat. The wind took another deep breath and blew again, this time harder. This made the man fasten the buttons on his coat. the Wind, who up to this point was beginning to feel rather foolish, took the deepest breath of all, and blew as hard as he could, but this resulted in the man only pulling his coat tighter into his body. Exhausted, the Wind fell, puffing and blowing in a heap. At this point, the Sun Looked at the Wind and said "You big daft bugger. Can you not see that the harder you went in without thinking, the more the man fought. That wasn`t true strength. This is true Strength!" and with that the Sun smiled to herself And SHONE!!!
The man feeling warmer let go of his coat. The Sun continued to be herself and just shone, the man unfastened his buttons, and unzipped his coat. The Sun let out one last beam, and the man, sweating like a bothered pig by this point, removed his Coat. The Sun looked over to the Wind and said "There`s no need to go in shouting and blustering, and hoping to get things done. Just be yourself and shine." the wind sneered threw fifty pence at the Sun and said "Go and buy some Lentils, Hippy. I`m off to blow the roof of some buildings!" The Sun looked after him and smiled. That Fifty pence would buy some pretty sweet Tea Tree incense sticks.
Apologies to my Mother for the changes added by myself when telling the story to my kids.
Miss you Mam,
Mark.
Today would have been Me Mothers 76th Birthday, so it`s been a mix of sad and happy. This is a story she used to tell me when i was a kid, and one which i tell my children now. For some bizarre reason when I tell this story to my kids, the Wind is Captain Mainwaring, and The Sun is Sergeant Wilson.
The Wind and the Sun were having a chat. The Wind was telling the Sun all about how strong he was. "The other day I blew a roof right off a house, It was brilliant." The Sun looked on smiling and said "Do you really think that that is a true test of strength?" "Of course it is" replied the Wind. "Those humans are terrified of me, and my temper." "Again", smiled the Sun "People being afraid of you make`s you strong does it?" The Wind frowned. "Sometimes Sun, you are such a bloody Hippy." he said, rather unkindly. "Let`s have a bet. I will prove to you how strong i am. See that man down there, on that path?" The Sun nodded. "I bet I can get his coat off his back! I bet you Fifty pence!" The Wind, for all his bluster was very mean with his money. "You`re on." said the Sun.
The Wind took a deep breath, and began to blow. The man walking along the path felt the wind, and fastened the zip on his coat. The wind took another deep breath and blew again, this time harder. This made the man fasten the buttons on his coat. the Wind, who up to this point was beginning to feel rather foolish, took the deepest breath of all, and blew as hard as he could, but this resulted in the man only pulling his coat tighter into his body. Exhausted, the Wind fell, puffing and blowing in a heap. At this point, the Sun Looked at the Wind and said "You big daft bugger. Can you not see that the harder you went in without thinking, the more the man fought. That wasn`t true strength. This is true Strength!" and with that the Sun smiled to herself And SHONE!!!
The man feeling warmer let go of his coat. The Sun continued to be herself and just shone, the man unfastened his buttons, and unzipped his coat. The Sun let out one last beam, and the man, sweating like a bothered pig by this point, removed his Coat. The Sun looked over to the Wind and said "There`s no need to go in shouting and blustering, and hoping to get things done. Just be yourself and shine." the wind sneered threw fifty pence at the Sun and said "Go and buy some Lentils, Hippy. I`m off to blow the roof of some buildings!" The Sun looked after him and smiled. That Fifty pence would buy some pretty sweet Tea Tree incense sticks.
Apologies to my Mother for the changes added by myself when telling the story to my kids.
Miss you Mam,
Mark.
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